i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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