I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
