BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You were trust falling into bushes
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize