Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
