I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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