i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
