so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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