So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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