you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
