How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
