YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
