The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
