I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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