"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
