Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
