we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
