Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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