that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
