Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I think my moral compass just broke
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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