people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
