Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
