Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize