I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
