Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
