For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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