I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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