remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
