You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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