Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
