I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
