id be glad to
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
