Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
