Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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