I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
