Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
