Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
