Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
