I puked a lego.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
