There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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