I hope mine doesn't look like that
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
