im drinking this country out of the recession.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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