Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
