Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
