am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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