he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
