Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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