hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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