Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
