you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
