I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
