I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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