I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
