Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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