I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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