I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
