Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
