In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
