so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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