Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
