I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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