Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
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