I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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