Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
