suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
