i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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