I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
