my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
